Bill Bailey Quotes – Funny Comedian, Musician & Actor

This popular funny man is best known for live shows Bewilderness and Part Troll, and his surreal comedic style. He has been described as ‘a hobbit with a wicked sense of humour’ and ‘the funniest bearded, babbling, bug-eyed druid the world has ever seen.’

Bill Bailey Doing StandupBill Bailey’s TV work, including being a team captain on panel show Never Mind the Buzzcocks and his part in Channel 4 sitcom Black Books, have garnered Bailey a huge following. He is a regular on intellectual panel show QI and had a role in E4’s teenage drama Skins, among other TV appearances. Here are some of his funniest lines.

  • It’s not a beard, it’s an animal I’ve trained to sit very still.
  • I once punched a bloke in the face for saying ‘Hawk The Slayer’ was rubbish, when what I should have said was ‘Dad, you’re wrong.’
  • There’s more evil in the charts than in an Al-Qaeda suggestion box.
  • Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you’re laughing at it.
  • What I’d like to do now – well, what I’d like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp.
  • Toughest job I ever had? Selling doors, door to door.
  • A lot of people say there’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I actually think there’s a yawning gulf. You see some poor bugger scuffling up the road with balloons tied to his ears, he’s not going home to invent a rocket, is he?
  • Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
  • I’m English, and as such I crave disappointment. I actively seek it out.

Watch the We Are Most Amused event:

DVDs including Bill Bailey: The Collector’s Edition and The Many Moods of Bill Bailey are available now. He is playing some dates in London in June 2010, and one in Bristol, before touring Australia and New Zealand all summer.

Image used is from Flickr, NickWebb, used under the Creative Commons license.

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