Funny Michael McIntyre Jokes
Michael McIntyre is a popular UK stand-up comedian. He has some great jokes, funny stories, silly floppy hair and can do a scarily good high pitch voice!
He has a couple of classic highly-rated stand-up DVDs including Live & Laughing 2008 and Hello Wembley 2009, well worth buying for the collection. Here are some funny jokes By Michael McIntyre during stand-up gigs:
- Normally you have news, weather and travelā¦..but not on snow day, on snow day news is weather is travel. Talking about the heavy snow in Britain.
- They had to ask Spain I think, theyāve had to say to Spain, can you lend us some stuff for the roads, and itās Gordon Brown phoning up going āpass the saltā (says in a deep voice)
- So youāre mother? Nice to put a name to a face. Talking about when a baby girl is born
- Iām glad Carol Vorderman has left Countdown, I mean itās not like she did much. She was effectively just an autistic shelf-stacker.
- You have to come up with this shit every year. Last week I just wrote āI still love you, see last years card for full detailsā Talking about Valentines Day
- My wife and I both made a list of 5 people we could sleep withā¦she read hers out and there were no surprisesā¦1 George Clooneyā¦2 Brad Pitt etcā¦I thought āIve got the better deal hereāā¦1 Your sister
- Iāve got a little baby, I made himā¦He doesnāt speak, heās 2ā¦Heās a slow learner, heās only got 2 wordsā¦car and mapā¦Iām slightly worried heās trying to escape. If his next word is passport we are in serious trouble!
- All we really require is 1 drawer, that is all men want, 1 drawer, this is not a drawer we will pick out early. A drawer will become available, we will tentatively enquire as to its usage, ādarling this drawer here, can I have this drawer for me?ā..Yes I think you canā¦good this will be my man drawer!!
Heās a very funny guy so letās hope there is lots more quality new material from him over the coming years. Want to see more? If you want to watch his full stand up routines worth seeing him live or buying one of his popular DVDs, including Live & Laughing 2008 or Hello Wembley 2009 available from all good retailers and some rubbish ones of course.
How To Watch Michael Live
You can see his current available tour dates on the Ticketmaster website. Well worth watching live. However, be aware they can sell very fast so it is best to subscribe to updates so you donāt miss out on the opportunities to see him in the flesh.
he is too funny, i jus dont know how he does it.
Can’t believe i’m going see him on tour in just 5 months time, sooooo excited š
michael you are hilarious!!! could watch you all day!!!
i love the last joke and the first joke they made me litrally ROFL š your so funny , but on brits got talent your EVEN better haaha
Keir
Actually his jokes are funny and I don’t pay attention to the audience laughing I listen to him and I laugh when he says something funny not when the audience laugh and I’m sure a lot of other people are the same. Plus the audience wouldn’t be laughing unless he made them
Michael McIntyre love you !!!!! xx
sick as fuck
i like the gym joke as it makes me laugh soo much I start to get tears in my eyes
michael is sooo funny he is fully of joy and makes people laugh a lot
Rebekahmay Lousia Annalicia – OMG you are sooo lucky!!!!!!!!!! x
I love Michael he is soo funny, he has me in stiches everytime i see him. His face says it all lol. I really want to go and see him on his 2012 tour!!! Love you Michael!!!! =] xx
He is my favourite comedian, cos not only is he hilarious he is sososo camp and posh which i find very sexy ;D
i absolutely love michael mcintyre
his jokes are not offensive or rude so he is sutiable for all the family…
My fave comedian by far !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
love you Michael!!!!!!!!!1
hes not funny and he doesnt hav scrip writers if he does tehre really bad ones cos they would just tell him to go on stage wave his hair about scip and shout. next time u watch him insted of just laffing cos everyone else is think about the joke its not really funny is it?
he doesnt have a team of writers like npfiii said, he creates them all himself, he’s always busy
I don’t think he dose have script writers, otherwise he wouldn’t be a stand-up comedian (The ones who think of jokes on the spot)
Michale is so funny! I went to see a few of his shows! They were all very funny! I have got his Autograph, it is in my Autograph book on which i hold many other Autographs such as mcfly, Taylor Lautner and Jhonny Depp! I do so hope to see his him if a new show is due!
P.S – The name shown above is my Genuine name!
heeeeelllloooo wembley!!!
I went to his book singing, such a nice guy š His book is amazing !
i like it when he talks to the audience
Micheal Mcintyre you funny funny Man. His Quotes and Jokes just stick in my head aha Goin to see him at Book signing this Month carn’t wait š !!!
Well,
I’d like to see the script writerss tell the jokes as good as him.
Michael is HILARIOUS!
Ha ha, love Michael! I have hello wembley, it was soooooo funnnnyyyyyyy
I love Michael Mcintyre, I wish I could be him.
They’re not *his* jokes.
He has a team of writers how script them for him.
lol i went to see him earlier tonight on the first of his Newcastle gigs and he was awesome! every one of his jokes were funny. i was laughing so hard. there were t-shirts for sale with his quotes on them. they were: i am utterly car-parked; i’m absolutely gazeboed; skipping is magnificent; i have a man-drawer; and laugh snort snot sneeze. lolz
I was standing behind a man in Starbucks the other day, he was ordering ‘a tall, skinny black Americano’ I said “what are you ordering, coffee or a President?” – from his Off the Kerb ‘seagull gig’ at Bristol Hippdrome
Excellent comedy!
I bloody love michael! He’s sooooo funny and posh! love you michael!
x
fuinny s*** i wish michael would come to my area
WHOO! MY FAVOURITE COMEDIAN EVER!!!
haaaaaa my favourite fucking funny !!