Frankie Boyle Jokes – A collection of funny lines by the controversial comedian

Well-known for his dark humour, Frankie Boyle is a favourite amongst many members of the comedy-loving public, while being hated by others who find plenty of his jokes offensive and insulting!

Here are some funny jokes by Frankie Boyle:

• “I watched the footage of Saddam being executed, and it really made me think…is there nothing on the internet that I won’t masturbate to?”
• “Let me ask you a question. How long is too long to text somebody back? My wife still thinks I died in 9/11.”
• “People are saying after Brexit, British people don’t trust experts any more. I don’t think that’s the problem. I think the problem is that British people have strong opinions based on nothing at all.”
• “Las Vegas and Glasgow have a lot in common. They’re the only two places in the world where you can pay for sex with chips.”
• “Someone told me I look like one of the Proclaimers. One of them?! They’re twins you daft bastard!”
• “Sex education at my school was a muttered warning about the janitor.”
• (about the Queen) “I have had a few medical issues this year, I’m now so old that my pussy is haunted.”
• “I would have loved to have had a gay dad. At school, there were always kids saying ‘my dad is bigger than your dad, my dad will batter your dad!’ So what? My dad will shag your dad…and your dad will enjoy it.”
• “The only time I want to see Geri Halliwell draped in the Union Jack is if she is a casualty of war.”
• “People say that Steve Jobs died too soon, but I think it was a fitting metaphor for his companies attitude to battery life.”
• “If Harry Potter’s so magical, why can’t he cure his own eyesight and get laid?”
• “I’m sick to fucking death of skinheads queue jumping at Disneyland!”
• (about Rebecca Adlington) “She looks like someone who’s looking at themselves in the back of a spoon.”
• “I lost my virginity to my mum’s best friend. It was my dad. It was the only time he told me he loved me!”
• (to Noel Fielding on Never Mind The Buzzcocks) “Are you sure you didn’t get hit for looking like a bisexual Dr Who?”
• “I hate racism, I could never be racist. I haven’t finished hating all the white people yet.”
• “Don’t you think its quite weird for Prince Harry, getting really stoned and seeing your grans face appearing on your money.
• “Does anyone find it ironic how a program aimed at old people is called ‘Countdown’?”
• (on New World Order) “The difference between a Lib Dem meeting and a wife-swapping party is that a wife-swapping party generally involves at least 4 people.”
• “Venus Williams has brought something different to the women’s game – male genitalia.”
• “Now, the magic of British parks at night, as Bill Oddie presents…’Gaywatch’.”
• (about Reeva Steenkamp) “The tragedy is that if Oscar Pistorius had no arms, this would never have happened.”
• “Glasgow, a place where people think Hepatitis B is a vitamin.
• “You say Snapchat, I say speedwank.”
• (about the Scottish referendum) “David Beckham sent the people of Scotland an open letter. An open letter because he couldn’t get it into the envelope.”
• “When I was about 8 or 9, I was a massive Michael Jackson fan, I wish I had known at the time that I was his type.”
• (to an audience member during a stand-up performance) “How you doing little fella? You’ve made a fucking effort. Looks like someone shaved a monkey and kicked it through Topman.”
• (during 2018 UK political turmoil) “I think the man of the year is Dominic Raab, a guy who resigned because he couldn’t agree to a deal that he himself had negotiated.”
• “Comedians are artists and should have full freedom to perform without censorship.”

Funny Video

There are loads of clips on YouTube that will make you laugh. Here’s one of our favourite YouTube clips from the official BBC channel. It’s from his show called, “New World Order”.

Frankie On Social Media

What will Frankie say in the future? He’s very popular on X with millions of followers and you can also follow his posts @frankieboyle. Here are some of his past tweets.

See Him Telling Jokes On TV

Over the year’s Frankie has been on many different TV programs. Depending on which streaming platform you use for your TV viewing you may be able to watch back his appearances. The TV shows he’s been in include; Mock The Week, Tramadol Nights, New World Order, Never Mind The Buzzcocks, 8 Out of 10 Cats, and Have I Got News For You.