Frankie Boyle Jokes – A collection of quotes by the controversial Scottish comedian
Well-known for his dark humour, Frankie Boyle is a favourite amongst many members of the comedy-loving public, while being hated by others who find plenty of his jokes offensive and insulting!
It seems like nothing is off-limits for this comedian and heâs happy to cover all sections of society. Take him as he is, heâll never change his comedic style of routine or nature of his gags.
Famous Quotes
- âI watched the footage of Saddam being executed, and it really made me thinkâŚis there nothing on the internet that I wonât masturbate to?â
- âLet me ask you a question. How long is too long to text somebody back? My wife still thinks I died in 9/11.â
- âPeople are saying after Brexit, British people donât trust experts any more. I donât think thatâs the problem. I think the problem is that British people have strong opinions based on nothing at all.â
- âLas Vegas and Glasgow have a lot in common. Theyâre the only two places in the world where you can pay for sex with chips.â
- âSomeone told me I look like one of the Proclaimers. One of them?! Theyâre twins you daft bastard!â
- âSex education at my school was a muttered warning about the janitor.â
- (about the Queen) âI have had a few medical issues this year, Iâm now so old that my pussy is haunted.â
- âI would have loved to have had a gay dad. At school, there were always kids saying âmy dad is bigger than your dad, my dad will batter your dad!â So what? My dad will shag your dadâŚand your dad will enjoy it.â
- âThe only time I want to see Geri Halliwell draped in the Union Jack is if she is a casualty of war.â
- âPeople say that Steve Jobs died too soon, but I think it was a fitting metaphor for his companies attitude to battery life.â
- âIf Harry Potterâs so magical, why canât he cure his own eyesight and get laid?â
- âIâm sick to fucking death of skinheads queue jumping at Disneyland!â
- (about Rebecca Adlington) âShe looks like someone whoâs looking at themselves in the back of a spoon.â
- âI lost my virginity to my mumâs best friend. It was my dad. It was the only time he told me he loved me!â
- (to Noel Fielding on Never Mind The Buzzcocks) âAre you sure you didnât get hit for looking like a bisexual Dr Who?â
- âI hate racism, I could never be racist. I havenât finished hating all the white people yet.â
- âDonât you think its quite weird for Prince Harry, getting really stoned and seeing your grans face appearing on your money.
- âDoes anyone find it ironic how a program aimed at old people is called âCountdownâ?â
- (on New World Order) âThe difference between a Lib Dem meeting and a wife-swapping party is that a wife-swapping party generally involves at least 4 people.â
- âVenus Williams has brought something different to the womenâs game â male genitalia.â
- âNow, the magic of British parks at night, as Bill Oddie presentsâŚâGaywatchâ.â
- (about Reeva Steenkamp) âThe tragedy is that if Oscar Pistorius had no arms, this would never have happened.â
- âGlasgow, a place where people think Hepatitis B is a vitamin.
- âYou say Snapchat, I say speedwank.â
- (about the Scottish referendum) âDavid Beckham sent the people of Scotland an open letter. An open letter because he couldnât get it into the envelope.â
- âWhen I was about 8 or 9, I was a massive Michael Jackson fan, I wish I had known at the time that I was his type.â
- (to an audience member during a stand-up performance) âHow you doing little fella? Youâve made a fucking effort. Looks like someone shaved a monkey and kicked it through Topman.â
- (during 2018 UK political turmoil) âI think the man of the year is Dominic Raab, a guy who resigned because he couldnât agree to a deal that he himself had negotiated.â
- âComedians are artists and should have full freedom to perform without censorship.â
This page wouldnât be a complete list without at least one meme from the wee fella, so here you go!
See Him Live
Itâs one thing to read things this man has said previously, or to watch him on TV, itâs a whole other thing to witness new material live. To see if Frankie Boyle is on a 2019 tour and what gig tickets are available if he is, you can try here. His live performances have been popular, way back in 2007 he sold out his Edinburgh Fringe show, titled âMorons I Can Heal Youâ, shifting 13,000 tickets in the process.
Buy His Goodies
The Scotsman has released plenty of DVDâs (they can still be kept as lifelong comedy mementoes!), as well as books. You can find them for sale at lots of places, but hereâs some stuff on Amazon.
Funny Video To Watch
There are loads of clips on YouTube that will make you laugh. Hereâs one of our favourite YouTube clips from the official BBC channel. Itâs from his show called, âNew World Orderâ.
Frankie On Twitter
What will Frankie say in the future? Heâs very popular on Twitter with millions of followers and you can also follow his personal tweets @frankieboyle where youâll not only see some of his funny tweets but also learn about new work he does. Here are some of his past tweets.
![Christmas message](https://chucklebuzz.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/christmas-message.jpg)
![Know your limits with Twitter banter](https://chucklebuzz.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/know-your-limits-with-jokes.jpg)
See Him Telling Jokes On TV
Over the yearâs Frankie has been on many different TV programs. Depending on which provider you use for your TV viewing you may be able to watch back his appearances. The TV shows heâs been in include; Mock The Week, Tramadol Nights, New World Order, Never Mind The Buzzcocks, 8 Out of 10 Cats, and Have I Got News For You.
Contribute! If you have something to say about this comedian then you are welcome to leave a comment below! Which one do you think is his best joke ever? And if you like this page please share it with a friend.
funniest comedian to come out of Scotland since the big yin. how can m’cintyre and howard even be in the same room as Frankie???
LMAO love Frankie!!