Ken Dodd Jokes – Legendary one-liner quotes by Liverpudlian comedian!

Ken Dodd was a comedian and actor from Liverpool best known for his wacky image and “tickling stick”. Even while in his eighties the comedy veteran was still playing 150 gigs a year, although that was around half the number he performed at the height of his 55-year career it shows his dedication and appeal to fans.

With his wild hair, buck teeth and famous feather dusters, or “tickle sticks”, Dodd was the self-styled King of the Diddy Men.Ken Dodd With his signature tune, Happiness, his traditional music-hall style act may have seemed dated to more modern audiences towards the end of his career, but he still had legions of admirers. His incredible career spanned from 1954 to 2018!

Ken Dodd Quotes

  • Did you hear about the shrimp that went to a prawn’s cocktail party? He pulled a mussel.
  • How many men does it take to change a toilet roll? Nobody knows – it’s never been done.
  • Honolulu, it’s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife’s mother.
  • What do you do sir? (to a man in the audience.) I’m a consultant in steel and iron. Ah so you steal and your wife irons!
  • I’ve done some brave things in my time. I played Nottingham Labour Club. I was the one who shouted ‘Three cheers for Mrs Thatcher’. And it was during the bingo.
  • Do great comedians come in cycles? Yes, some do, but others prefer to walk to work.
  • Try shoving an ice-cube down your wife’s front – “There’s that chest freezer you wanted.”
  • I wouldn’t part with my teeth. I’m the only patient who can sit in the dentist’s waiting room and have his teeth checked at the surgery.
  • I told the Inland Revenue I didn’t owe them a penny because I lived near the seaside.

More About The Man
Ken Dodd’s marathon sets are known for their extraordinary length, quick-fire one-liners and constant innuendo and jibes aimed at a hate figures ranging from tax collectors to local councillors and traffic wardens. Sir Dodd has also had a number of hit records over the years, and one of the longest ever residencies at the London Palladium.

His book ‘Look At It My Way’ was published in October 2009. His DVD ‘An Audience with Ken Dodd’ was released in May 2010 and is available to buy in all DVD shops and some rubbish ones. In 2017 Ken was given a knighthood. Rest in peace Sir Ken!

Feature image used under Creative Commons 2.0, thanks to University Of Liverpool Medical School for making it available. Here is the image source.

11 thoughts on “Ken Dodd Jokes – Legendary one-liner quotes by Liverpudlian comedian!

  1. I can’t believe he is still around with such dry predictable one liners that even he knew were so unfunny he needed that feather duster with his ridiculous looks & manner to detract from the inanely contrived attempts at humour. Just goes to show how people will laugh at anything. & Its Incredible how long he’s lasted without any of his ‘diddymen’ that once resided with him also never complaining about him although they’re probably all passed away by now…..lol… Zzzzzz

  2. just been held hostage for 4 hours listening to Sir Kenneth Dodd O.B.E (one boiled egg ) telling endless jokes at
    Wolverhampton civic. Those that left early missed Dickie Mint and Kens impressions of famous American films with Geordie ,Black Country and Scouse accents. well done !

  3. i used to work with ken for promoting bingo halls and he always went down a bomb, but afterwards i used to get a flood of complaints as most patrons had missed there last bus home and he really did live in Knotty Ash along with his father in a very humble home. I dont know about the jam butty mines though,. ken along with Tommy Cooper could not tell a gag off stage, but on stage was a different story

  4. See Doddy while he is still around
    I swear to God he captivates his audience ….he holds the crowd like no other
    Live is a MUST !
    A master of his art ……………

  5. A lovely funny man, I have followed him for many years. He also has a strong faith and worships egularly at Liverpool Cathedral.

    God bless him and Sibby.

  6. Just seen Doddy at Bournemouth,laugh,laugh,laugh,my jaw still aches. His age means nothing to him but entertaining means everything. Wonderful man, long may he reign! Whatt about a nkighthod,Your Majesty?

  7. seen mr dodd seven times end up with sore sides and a great tickelsome night v v v good….

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