Gavin & Stacey quotes and classic funny catchphrases!

Let’s enjoy some classic Gavin & Stacey quotes by all the main characters including; Smithy, Nessa, Dave Coaches, Gwen, Uncle Bryn, Doris, as well as Pam and Mick. The show may have been ended by the creators after 3 brilliant series and a couple of Christmas specials. But it’s still brilliantly funny even when you have seen episodes many times before, they’re still a crackin’ laugh!

Full cast of Gavin and Stacey
The cast of Gavin & Stacey

Let’s enjoy some of the best moments from the show, here are popular sayings, quotes and a hilarious video further down. Let’s start with some catchphrases.

Funny catchphrases in Gavin & Stacey

  • Nessa – “What’s occuring?”
  • Nessa – “I won’t lie to you”
  • Stacey – “That’s well lush”
  • Smithy – “Gavlar!”
  • Smithy – “Pamlar!”
  • Pam – “Mick! Mick!”
  • Gwen – “Would you like an omlette?”
  • Dave Coaches – “Alright sugar tits”
  • Bryn – “Nooooo Jason!”
  • Pam – “Oh my christ!”
  • Gwen – “Oh hiya love!”

Now let’s enjoy some of the best and funniest quotes from episodes of the hit BBC show. Be sure to do your best impressions, don’t worry if friends or family are nearby 😉

Nessa quotes

  • “I just can’t believe I’m pregnant by Smithy, out of all the people I’ve slept with, not Nigel Havers, John Prescott, not any of Goldie Looking Chain!”
  • “Sling your hook you pervert or I’ll break your arm.”
  • (when very drunk) ” At the end of the day…when all’s said an done…d’ya know what I mean?”
  • “I’ll tell you something Gwen, this omelette is immense.”
  • “If it weren’t for John Prescott I’d still be in that jail right now.”
Nessa quote

Uncle Bryn quotes

  • “I’ve just been updating the MySpace, I’ve got 17 friends now, I’m snowed under!”
  • (when he mistakes Gavin for a Jehovous Witness) – “Well, let’s have a coffee and celebrate Christmas!”
  • (talking about his camera with Gavin sat on his lap) “It’s got sepia, although i think it’s faulty because it just makes everything brown.”
  • “The truth is, I don’t want anybody in this room being raped, myself included.”
  • “You think you’ve tried it all. You think there can’t possibly be anywhere else to go with it. And then they come up with this, Mint Bailey’s.”
  • (singing James Blunt) “Goodbye my friend, goodbye my lover…”

Smithy quotes

  • (referring to Nessa) “We’ve got to call in a garage, I ain’t going in there bareback.”
  • (about his girlfriend) “17 and 3/4 actually and she just got 90% on her driving theory and her test is in two weeks but whatever.”
  • (sitting down for breakfast saying he’s not hungry) “I’ll just have a couple of sausages, some of that bacon, and an egg, just the one. Just ain’t got much of an appetite you know.”
  • (eating KFC with Nessa) “what is that secret blend of 11 herbs and spices”.

Gwen quotes

  • “Oh I know love, but let him be, you know Bryn’s a giver!”
  • (telling Bryn what’s in his omelette) “I’ve tried something different this time, it’s got yesterdays beef in it”
  • (to Bryn when he’s singing) “Do we have to have James Blunt all the way home?”

Doris quotes

  • “Thing to remember is don’t go giving him nothing on the first night. Well no, not nothing. A kiss, a cuddle, a cheeky finger, just don’t go selling the whole farm.”
  • (sticking two fingers up at Nessa) “There’s your salad!!”
  • (after getting an email from Glenda) “She’s made a twat of me!”
  • “I haven’t been down the island for years Mick. Why not, doughnut, bag of chips, I’m your girl. I’ll have to take out my bikini. Joking I am Gav, one piece it is (wink).”
  • “I told him to stick it Pam coming over here taking our jobs” (Pamela then asks where the worker was from, Poland?), “Nooo, Newport.”

Pamela quotes

  • “I’m absolutely shattered, I’ve been crying all afternoon. That ‘Pet Rescue’, there was this badger and all it’s litter died – and you could actually see the mother badger crying.”
  • (during an argument with Mick about steak) “No and do you know why, because you will be up that golf club tomorrow giving it all this – ‘Do you know what my fat disgusting wife had last night, 3 steaks.’ Then they’ll go home and tell their wifes and before you know it I’ll be known as ‘3 steaks pam’.”
  • “I had 4 cheeseburgers the other day with Big Fat Sue. We ate them in a carwash.”
  • (winding up Mick about his TV appearance) “Here he is, look at all the paparazi!”
  • “Oh my Christ!”

Dave Coaches quotes

  • “Alright sugar tits hows it’s going?”
  • “My motto is; fags and weed, glue and speed. But I draws the line at crack. That way everyone knows where they stand.”
  • (grumpy with Nessa) “You talking about the Calor gas, or our relationship”.
  • “Right, welcome to Dave’s Coaches. Dave’s the name, bingo’s the game, so sit back, everybody, and enjoy the ride.”

Dawn and Pete quotes

  • (Dawn to Pete) “Excuse me if I’ve forgotten what love looks like you pathetic lump of shit.”
  • (Dawn to Mick) “Chill out grandad!”
  • (Dawn to Pam) “I will back you all the way, hit her in the face”
  • (Dawn to Pete) “You make me sick.”

And let’s not forget the two main characters, Gavin and Stacey themselves!

Stacey quotes

  • (talking about masturbating) “Like yesterday, I had three just watching Cash In The Attic.”
  • (explaining to Gav why she didn’t tell him Nessa was pregnant) “You know when we were away and I said I had something to tell you. And I told you about Nessa being in the original line-up of All Saints but she had to leave because she didn’t get on with Shaznay. I was trying to tell you then.”
  • “That’s well lush”

Gavin quotes

  • “My balls work!”
  • “Well I never thought I’d come back here (Barry) I only came down that first time so I could shag you again.”
  • (pointing at Smithy when chatting to a woman in the nightclub) “He’s the fat one in G4”.
  • (singing with Smithy in the Christmas special!) “And it’s a world of dread and fear! Where the only water flowing is the bitter sting of tears…”

What’s the most memorable scene?

All lovers of the show can remember scenes from it. Play a little game now, which would you say is your favourite?

Let’s list some fantastic scenes to see whether you think they rank.

  1. Funny KFC sceneThe scene where Pete and Dawn are renewing their vows and Pete uses Coldplay lyrics for his speech will always be one to bring tears of joy to the eyes.
  2. When Mick was going to be a celebrity on TV and the news only interviewed him for a few seconds!
  3. When Smithy and Uncle Bryn do a sweaty home gym workout together.
  4. When Nessa and Smithy enjoyed a late night KFC together.
  5. When Bryn and Nessa sang Islands in the Stream at Gwen’s surprise birthday barn dance.
  6. When things starting going sour between Gavin and Stacey and they had to move apart. They weren’t funny scenes, they were emotional, but arguably some of the most memorable.

If you loved the theme tune also check out this page and you can have a singalong!

Merchandise

All series and Christmas specials are available on individual DVDs or boxsets, there’s also a book. If you’re ever wanting to send someone a funny card you can get Nessa ones of those too! Many people don’t have DVD players these days, but look out for it also available on-demand.

Classic clip

An amazing scene from one of the episodes.

If you want to rewatch full episodes take a look at your favourite on-demand service, they may be available to watch!

Fun facts about Gavin & Stacey

This page may be focused on funny quotes, but it’s a shame not to include a few cracking facts as well:

  • The show started on 13th May 2007.
  • The original show ended on 1st January 2010. But a new Christmas Special aired in December 2019.
  • Gavin’s house wasn’t really in Billericay, it was set there but filmed in Penarth in Wales.
  • In total there were 21 Gavin & Stacey episodes including the Christmas specials.
  • Portugal, Sweden, Iceland, and Israel have all aired the program.

Will we get more fresh quotes in the future?

A lot of people ask the question of whether or not Gavin & Stacey will return. The creators, James Corden and Ruth Jones, had said in the past it wasn’t going to happen, but then it did in the form of a Christmas 2019 special!

But it’s never been confirmed they’ll do another full series. It’s not been 100% ruled out either, with James Corden telling Hello in October 2021 he’d love to do another series, also saying, “I think it would be strange to leave it where we left it”. So there’s certainly a degree of desire there!

It’d be great in one last series to see where everyone is at in their lives now. Not only the main characters but imagine who else could make a cheeky appearance, maybe Chinese Alan, Budgey, Fingers, Gary and Simon, Dirtbox, Rudi Rudester, Dave Coaches, Dawn and Pete – who knows!

If you think this collection of funny moments is missing some good ones then you can add more Gavin & Stacey quotes in the comments section below.

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8 thoughts on “Gavin & Stacey quotes and classic funny catchphrases!”

  1. there is a film error for first few episodes micks number plate on his car ends in nm somthing and later on it changes to ohk with no change in car just thought id let ya know bbz.

  2. Great show, nice to watch the clips again!
    I thought the 3rd series was not quite as good, however have to say the last 5 minutes was inspired – what’s occurring!!

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