Funny Jethro Quotes – Classic Gags From Old School Comedian!

Jethro was a British stand-up comedian known as “the cream of Cornish comedy”. He spent over 50 years performing live! Jethro sadly passed away in December 2021.

Jethro’s jokes during stand-up performances:

A guy walks into a chip shop with a cod under his arm. “Here, do you sell Fish Cakes?”, chip shop guy says “sorry No”. “Shame that, it was his birthday today”.

Alcohol killed my first wife. I got home drunk one night and shot her.

Shaving your pubes:
We had this Polish woman staying with us and my wife run her a bath and when she turned round the woman was completely hairless down there….looked like a money box!

Boris Johnson:
Something terrible has happened. Tonight somebody has broken into Boris Johnson’s library and has stolen all his books, the bastards. About three of them he hadn’t even coloured in.

Plastic surgery:
I’m not in very good mood. My wife, the cow, I lend her a thousand pounds to have plastic surgery, now I can’t get the money back and I don’t know who to look for.

Jethro quote
Jethro joke

My wife knew that I was a big fan of Bridgette Bardot so she thought it’d be a sexy surprise if she had a ‘B’ tattooed on each of her arse cheeks. When I came into the bedroom she was on all fours as she asked ‘Who does that make you think of?’ and all I could think of was ‘Bob’!

Safe sex:
I was giving this girl a portion up against a chip shop and it was pretty wild. I explained to her that I’d not had it in 2 years because I’d been in the VD clinic. She replied ‘How’s the food? I’m going in tomorrow!’.

Keeping the wife sweet:
I’d been out drinking til 4.15 in the morning and there’s the bastard wife waiting on the doorstep with a broom. She didn’t seem to like it when I asked her ‘Are you late finishing cleaning or are you going for a flight?’

I bought her a car for Christmas. She said ‘that’s no good to me, I want something that will go from 0-160 in 3 seconds’. So I bought her bathroom scales.

Classic DVDs

Jethro Jokes Told It My WayOne of Jethro’s best live tour DVD’s was released back in 2010. It was called, “I Told it My Way”. If you ever get a chance to see it then it’s worth watching if you like an old school crude joke. But in the meantime let’s look back at some of the jokes told by Jethro.

If you’re a long-time fan of Jethro you’re probably aware he released lots of material during his long career. Most can still be found for sale on websites like Amazon and eBay. Worth buying if you’re a classic comedy collector or as a gift if you know someone who was a big fan of his.

Rest in peace Jethro.

If you know of any more Jethro jokes or quotes that you love you can put them in the comments forum section further down this page.


  1. What’s the difference between a genealogist and a ginocologist.? One looks up your family tree while the other looks up your family bush

  2. I love Jethros silly gags about his wife, tickles me every time 😀 😀


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