Phoenix Nights Quotes From The Best Club In Clubland!

Let’s laugh again at the brilliant moments from this classic British comedy, here’s a collection of some of the funniest Phoenix Nights quotes:

  • Brian, “It’s a family fun day man, there’s kiddies running around, they can’t go jumping up and down on a love-length!”
  • Brian about Keith Lard, “Is he drawing a dog?”
  • Kenny, “I’ve got special skin. Asbestos. The doctors are baffled. I’m a genetic freak me.”
  • Paddy to Max, “Do you wanna brew?”
  • Jerry to Brian, “You on some sort of medication?”
    Brian replies, “I am Jerry, two tablespoons of ambition, three times a day.”
  • Jerry, “I’m stood here, looking like a gay Satan.”
  • Student: “Do you take N.U.S.?” Max replies: “I don’t take none of that shit love, and neither should you. I treat my body like a temple, none of your ha-ha hashish.”
  • Clinton Baptiste, “I’m getting the word… nonce.”
  • Brian, “It’s Jerry The Berry, Perry”.
  • Kenny, “Spielberg. He wanted to use a dolphin. I said Steve, a shark’s what you want, who’s scared of dolphins!” (deleted scene from Series 2)
  • Max to Young Kenny, “Oi, Mandy Dingle, tell Potter we’re off.”
  • Rayvon, “The louder you scream the faster the ride!”
  • Paddy: “Prostitutes in Amsterdam are dead filthy, this one I went to, she made me wash my old man in the sink.” Max replies: “What, you took your dad?”
The main characters from Phoenix Nights
Phoenix Nights characters

Catchphrases From Phoenix Nights

Although the show doesn’t rely on catchphrases, there are a few repeated sayings that Brian Potter had:

  • “Shithouse!”
  • “Get bent!”
  • “Balls to the brewery.”
  • “Shut up you girl!”
  • “Get it off, get it off now!”
  • “Pennine Suite, dickhead!”
  • “You can’t go back.”

Over two decades later it’s still a hilarious show to rewatch! Written by Peter Kay, Neil Fitzmaurice, and Dave Spikey, the show has been available to buy on good old DVD if you wish to keep it and keep rewatching! Two series of Phoenix Nights aired in 2001 and 2002. Whether it was Potter’s vase, Kenny’s stories, or Paddy’s pestering, the hilarious drama was gold! It’s certainly a classic British comedy!

If you have a favourite quote from the best club in clubland you can add it below.


  1. Jerry the berry says:

    Brain saying “I want to moonwalk son but life’s a shithouse!” had me in stitches. SHITHOUSE!

  2. ChuckleBuzz says:

    Another classic catchphrase is “That’ll ding dang do for me!”

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