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  1. R. Spears says:

    RJS says:

    John Henry said, “Let me be blunt
    What do I call your out front
    I would never intend
    My love to offend
    Is it vagina or pussy or cunt?”

    It seems that a man out of Leadville
    Had sex with the corpse of his wife, Jill
    He thought if he’d drive her
    It might help to revive her
    But alas, his poor Jill is quite dead ….still.

    A man looking for sex in Lamar
    Didn’t really have to go far
    His neighbor caressed him
    As she undressed him
    And taught him to play the guitar

    These are original with me.

  2. R. Spears says:

    rjs says:
    Original rhymes

    There was a young maiden from Dover
    Who spent time on her back in the clover.
    She knew how to vary
    From old missionary
    So her lover told her to turn over.

    A randy old man from Dakota
    Did a hot MILF Minnesota
    Then was Alaska
    Kansas, Nebraska
    All apart of his weekly sex quota

  3. Casper Waksman says:

    An aging male dancer from Salz
    Had hemorrhoids that Hung past his balls
    When he’d prance and swirl
    They’d spin around and hurl
    Excreta and pus on the walls

    The hippy named Harry o Doul
    Broke wind in a mineral pool
    He lit up a joint and the gas at that point
    Ignited and parboiled his tool.

  4. There once was a man from Amelia
    Who accused of pedophilia
    But he denied all the rapes
    Until the cops found the tapes
    And the pictures of boys genitalia

  5. James Rogers says:

    There once was a man named Lolo
    Whose particular passion was polo
    When asked by a lady
    To find a place shady
    He said ‘I’d rather go solo’

    This fellow he knew a neat trick
    Using a polo stick as a dick
    He’d take to the field
    With his butt tightly sealed
    And the sawed-off end very slick

    Then he would ride ev’ry mile
    With a pathetic, delilirious smile
    For nothing could measure
    The feeling of pleasure
    He got from ramming his pile

    So if by chance you should see
    This fellow I think you’ll agree
    You’ve been very near
    To a self-fucking queer
    Who happens to think he’s a she

  6. Eberhardt says:

    Here’s my favorite:

    The was once a man from Nantucket
    Who had a dick so large he could suck it
    He said with a grin
    As he wiped his chin
    If my ear was a cunt I’d fuck it

  7. There was a young man called O’Malley
    Who liked to watch porn on the telly
    He sat on the remote
    Which twisted his scrote
    Now his bollocks both quiver like jelly

  8. There once was a man called Crockett
    Who tried to take off in a rocket
    The rocket went bang
    His balls went twang
    And they found his dick in his pocket

  9. There was an old man from Havana
    Who’d do anything for a tanner
    His favourite trick
    Was to stand on his dick
    And tighten his balls with a spanner

  10. There was an old man from Gwent
    Whose dick was all twisted and bent
    He once shot his load
    Which made him implode
    And instead of coming, he went

  11. Lewis Colyar says:

    The Woman From Soho

    There once was a woman from West Soho
    Who walked with a wiggle on her tip toes
    During the day all the guys turned the other way
    But at night they brought her their pay
    The woman from West Soho made lots of dough

  12. Hickory Dickory Dock
    The whore sucked on my cock
    I shot a round, she choked it down
    Much better than a sock

  13. There once was a young woman from Kent.
    Who went to sleep in a tent
    She screemed that’s a big pole
    will it go in my hole
    But After the event it went bent

  14. Lewis Williams says:

    Er .. I’ve insanely written a filthy limerick for every town in the UK (Great Britain and Northern Ireland) that didn’t already have one! You can find the results on Amazon, The Great British Limerick Book which has the resulting 900+ limericks in it.

    A couple of them here
    My one for the town of Guildford in Surrey:

    At McDonald’s in Guildford in Surrey
    I spilt coffee on my crotch in a scurry
    I had to act quick
    To cool down my dick
    So I stuck it into my McFlurry

    or my one for the town of Luton (the cleanest one I’ve written!)

    I once went to a bed-shop in Luton
    With nothing but my birthday suit on
    I always get undressed
    Before having a rest
    And I wanted to try out a futon

    or my one for the town of Kettering:

    There was a young man from Kettering
    With a tattoo that would take some bettering
    He had The Birth of Venus
    Reproduced on his penis
    With the title in copperplate lettering

    more at and

  15. Matt in WA says:

    To young men I would like to say something
    If women are not really your thing
    Please don’t try to change
    you may have much more range
    As a top or a bottom or a something

  16. Matt inLancaster says:

    There once was a fellow from Boston
    Whose only car was his Austin
    He had room for his ass
    And a gallon of gas
    But his balls hung out and he lost’em

  17. There once was a man named Billy
    Whose bedmates included a filly
    He felt no remorse
    For bangin’ a horse
    Til’ he found out her name was Willy

    There once was a man named Sam
    Who had a little lamb
    He kept it to screw it
    But then came to rue it
    For it wasn’t a ewe, but a ram

  18. Samuel DeVault says:

    I once met a maiden from Stonebrook Hollow.
    She didn’t talk much but boy did she swallow.
    I have a nice lance that she sat upon.
    The maiden from Stonebrook, who’s also your mom.

  19. Richard Overholt says:

    There once was a girl from Baleise
    Who’s pussy hair hung to her knees
    The crabs on her twat
    Tied her hairs in a knot
    And constructed a flying trapeze.

  20. Richard Overholt says:

    I know a young man from Cancoon
    Who’s fart’s could be heard from the moon
    When he’d least expect them
    They’d burst from his rectum
    With the sound of a double bassoon .

  21. Richard Overholt says:

    There once was a man from Frazini,
    Who spilt some gin on his weenie,
    Not being uncouth,
    He added vermouth,
    And slipped his date a martini.

  22. Alvin the Great says:

    Did You Hear about Young Johnny Locket,
    Who got Blown down the Street by a rocket?
    The Force of the blast
    Blew his Balls up his ass
    And his pecker was found in his Pocket.

  23. patrick foy says:

    from the depths of the crypt in st. giles, came a bloodcurdling scream heard for miles, said father Ignatius, My goodness gracious, I forgot the bishop had piles!

  24. ron clair says:

    there was a young lady from France,
    who found herself on a train by pure chance.
    While the engineer fucked her,
    She blew the conductor,
    And the porter went off in his pants

  25. There once was a lady named Alice
    who uses a stick of dynamite as her palace
    They found her vagina in south Carolina
    And parts of her ass in Dallas.

  26. Kap'n Klystron says:

    There once was a jerkwad from Wales
    Who always excreted in pails;
    They collared the nut
    And sealed his ass shut
    With Bondo and ten-penny nails.

  27. Tori teaser says:

    Hickory dickory dock,
    The mouse ran up the clock,
    The mouse ran down, his arse was brown
    And so was the cuckoos cock.

  28. There once was a girl she was willing
    She once had this funny feeling
    She laid on her back
    She opened her crack
    Then pissed all over the ceiling

  29. There once was a girl from Hoboken
    Who claimed her cherry was broken
    While riding her bike on a cobblestone pike
    But it was really broken from pokin

  30. mr sinclair says:

    There was a diseased young stud
    Who enjoyed pulling his pud
    But whenever he yanked
    His goo always stank
    And gushed out along with some blood.

  31. There once was a man from Cork
    Who would only eat soup with a fork.
    He said it’s not good for “binness”,
    as he finished his Guinness,
    since I actually invented the Spork.

  32. There was a young lady from Neath,
    Who circumcised men with her teeth,
    It wasn’t for money,
    Or trying to be funny,
    But the cheese she found underneath!

  33. There once was a girl named Sam,
    who’s twat could swallow a can…
    She hopped up on the table,
    warmed up with a ladle,
    and shoved in the Christmas ham.

  34. There was a President known as Barak,
    who tied violin strings to his cock.
    When he got an erection
    he played a selection
    from Johann Sebastian Bach.

  35. WTF is wrong with you people?

  36. Edward Allerston says:

    there was a young lady from leeds who swallowed a packet of seeds in half and hour her vaginia was a flower and her arse was a bunch of weeds

  37. fancypants says:

    mary had a little lamb, she kept him in the yard.
    when she took her panties off, his wolly dick got hard!

  38. fancypants says:

    mary had a little lamb, her father shot him dead.
    now she takes him to school each day, between two pieces of bread.

  39. a fly flew through a open door of a village grocer store
    pissed on the cheese and shit on the ham
    and wiped his arse on the grocer man
    the fly flew around the window pane
    and went to shit on the ham again
    when he’d finished his dirty work
    he flew across to the lady clerk
    up her leg he took a stoll
    and took a bath in the ladys hole
    she cried out oh my you bastard fly
    you cant stay there
    she squeesed her legs and held her breath
    and the poor little fly got squashed to death

  40. there was an old women of leeds
    who swallowed a packet of seeds
    in less than an hour
    her tits was a flower
    and her fanny was covered in weeds

  41. there was three witches from kent who found a dead man in his tent, the three naughty witches pulled down the mans britches and played with his dick till it bent

  42. There was a young man from Swaffham,
    Who took out his bollocks to Wash ’em,
    And his wife said Jack,
    if you dont put them back,
    i’ll pull out a brick and squash ’em.

  43. cate lynn says:

    Hickory Dickory Dock
    the mouse ran up the clock
    The clock struck one
    The other two escaped with minor injuries

  44. Ashok Jadhav says:

    There was a girl named Stacky,
    She went out with a darkie.
    The results of here sins,
    were quads, not twins.
    One black, one white and two khaki.

  45. Ashok Jadhav says:

    There was a girl, who begat,
    three babies,Nat, Pat and Tat.
    It was fun in breeding,
    but hell in feeding.
    There was no Tit for Tat.

  46. cate lynn says:

    Hickory dickory dock, the mouse ran up the clock, the clock STRUCK one, the other two escaped with minor injuries.

  47. cate lynn says:

    Mary had a little sheep, with the sheep she did sleep, the sheep turned out to be a Ram, Mary had a little lamb:)

  48. cate lynn says:

    Little miss muffet sat on her tuffet, eating her curds and whey, along came a spider and sat down besider and said “What’s in the bowl bitch? “Little boy blue”— he needed the money!

  49. cate lynn says:

    Old mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone, but when she bent over, old rover took over and gave her a bone of his own.

  50. Little miss muffet sat on her tuffet
    eating her kurds and whey
    along came a spider and sat down beside her
    and said “YO Bitch! how much for a blow job?”

  51. my limericks that i created:

    There once was a Man named Obama.
    Who ate a really nasty vagina
    But the Whore that he ate, had syphillis on her taint,
    And now he is the President of the United States
    HOLY SHIT! 🙂 ha ha ha (my new limerick)

    There once was a man named Osama;
    Who could not hide from the bombs of Obama;
    Till one day when seals came to play;
    who then blew his but up to Mohammad.

    Tweedle dee, tweedle dumb
    They could not carry anymore rum
    So they hired me to run that rum
    but i drank it until i cummed,
    all over that Puerto rican Bum

    Jack be nible;
    jack be quick;
    jack jumped over the candlestick;
    but oops he slipped upon the stick;
    which went up his ass, and now he is
    jack be queer with a candlestick in his ass.

    Mary who is 21 yrs old 🙂 had a little lamb
    who’s fleece was white as snow
    then one day the whore came to play
    and i fucked her all day like a whore

    there was once a woman named Tracy
    who took too much extacy;
    As i laid down beside her;
    my prick slipped inside her
    she then screams like a banshee;
    (put it in the wrong hole) 🙂

    Hairy hairy sweet little cherry
    how i wander how old you are
    twas a blessing to lick your taint
    I shall taste you again in the morning 🙂

    Hairy hairy sweet little cherry
    how i wander how old you are
    twas a mistake to lick your taint
    now im hell a mournin. 🙂

  52. this little boy named dog swalloew a frog, but than his mother saidthat it was a log,but afther a party he sung a song, wich he stole from a grounghog,they found out it was grounghogs day on th same day as his birthday.

  53. There was a girl named clair.
    Her body was completely covered with hair.
    It was quite a fun,
    to poke her with one’s gun.
    You know, her quimmy may be anywhere!

  54. Gary Guddal says:

    I once knew a girl from Wheeling,Who had a particular feeling,She laid on her back and tickled her crack, and pissed all over the ceiling

  55. There was a girl from Exeter
    So beautiful, that men craned their necks at her.
    One was even so brave,
    to take out and wave,
    distinguishing mark of his sex at her.

  56. Tired of her husband’s great mass,
    newly wed stuffed her vagina with glass.
    Prick of her hubby
    is now short and stubby.
    For wife, she can piss through her ass.

  57. There was a girl from Sydney.
    She could take it right up to her kedney.
    But a guy from Qubeck,
    shoved it up to her neck.
    He had a long one, didn’t he?

  58. Lew Brereton says:

    My limeric ;D

    There once was a man from china
    Who wanted to have a vagina
    So he sat on a rock 
    And cut off his cock
    And now he’s got a manjina.

  59. nkdgblihr says:

    There once was a gay boy name Levar.
    Who fuck mike in the back of the car.
    the horn went beep.
    they both went skeet.
    and now they can’twalkon there feet.

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