A collection of funny dirty Valentine’s jokes!

Let’s tuck in to this set of dirty Valentine’s jokes that you may find funny.

Hands showing the love heart sign

These are strictly for adults only because many of them are a bit rude, but not all of them! If you’re easily offended these are not for you 🙂

Time to stop the waffle and enjoy the silly jokes. Some are properly cheesy!

  • How do you know Valentine’s Day is about to become a religious holiday?
    Because people everywhere are screaming, “Oh God!” all night long.
  • Why did the banana go out with the prune?
    Because it couldn’t get a date.
  • What happens if you fall in love with a French chef?
    You get buttered up.
  • What do squirrels give on Valentine’s Day?
    Forget-me-nuts.
  • What does a farmer give to his partner on Valentine’s Day?
    Hogs and kisses!

Dirty Valentine’s one-liners

  • (so cute!) You make me feel just like a unicorn – very wild and horny.
  • (for a not so subtle way of asking her for sex) Let my pork see your pie!
  • (one for the ladies to tell your partner) I love you with all my tits!
  • (could be for a friend you love) I’m so glad your mum didn’t swallow
  • (ideal WhatsApp sexting message) Happy Valentine’s Day, fancy a shag?
  • (adorable) I love you from the bottom of my cock

If you’ve got your partner close by and you’re in the mood for more fun why not play our Valentine’s game for couples!

These are some of the best dirty Valentine’s jokes we know of but if you know better ones share them in the comments below.

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