Jack Dee Quotes – 9 Funny Jokes & Videos!

Here is a collection of some of the funniest jokes by British comedian Jack Dee. He is well-known for his sardonic, deadpan style of humor. Jack has also released several highly rated stand up DVDs including; “Live Again,” “London Palladium,” and a box set of performances which is an easy to way to get all of his material easy. Take a look at the reviews though, a lot of people rave about them which is always the ultimate compliment for a performer.

Some Of Jack’s Best Gags

  • “I hate people who think it’s clever to take drugs…like custom officers. Aren’t they a bunch of b*****ds, all that finger up the a***hole, all day long. They put a uniform on, for a job like that, can you imagine doing that? ‘Just off to work now dear’. ‘Have a nice day day at the orafice’.”
  • “One of my friends went on a murder weekend…now he is doing life for it”
  • “My local’s rough as anything. I went to the pub quiz the other night…First question was, “What the f**k are you looking at?”
  • “I read in my local newspaper, they had this advert, ‘Please look after your neighbours in the cold weather’, and shall I tell you something about that? I live next door to this 84-year-old woman, do you know, not once has she come round to see if I’m all right. Lazy cow hasn’t even taken her milk in for a fortnight!”
  • “Studies show 1 in 5 British teens are unable to peel an orange…It’s a good job they’ve all got knives then.”
  • “The rain forest has Sting. Now Siberia has Jack Dee. Someone had to draw the short straw. In this case it was the rain forest.”
  • “Koreans have recently brought out their own vegetarian version of an instant noodle snack. It’s called Not Poodle.”
  • “The film industry is like Anne Robinson…always on the look-out for a new face”
  • “Try saying: ‘Whale Oil Beef Hooked’ without sounding like an Irish man swearing.”

You’ve got to love Jack Dee, always good for a laugh! Here are some clips of the man in action:


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