8 Out of 10 Cats Quotes and Funny Statistics

Funny statistic
Funny statistic from the show.
This awesome channel 4 comedy has been on our screens since 2005. It has a very good format mixing great comedy with funny statistics, a brilliant host, quality team captains and generally some good guests; mixed in with some rubbish ones who act as cannon fodder for Jimmy!

For some reason Channel 4 don’t seem to sell the series on DVD, surprising considering how popular it is, but there is a ‘best of’ from a few years ago called “Claws Out” which is available on DVD that contains the bits too rude for TV.

Here is a collection of some funny quotes and stats from the show episodes in different series.

Funny Quotes From Team Captains, Guests and Mr Jimmy

  • Sean Lock, “I like the bonfire thing. I had to take the RSPCA advice quite seriously because they said you should check under your bonfire for sleeping hedgehogs. And I couldn’t find any but luckily I had some in the freezer.”
  • Joe Wilkinson, “When I was skint the first thing to go was space explorations.”
  • Jimmy Carr, “During their trial it was revealed that Rebekah Brooks and Andy Coulson have had an affair. We don’t know if Andy Coulson was tapping phones. But we do know he was tapping Rebekah Brooks. If anything, I think that’s worse.”
  • Dave Spikey talking about Michael Jackson, “A reporter said the colour drained from his face. I don’t think so”.
  • Micky Flanagan, “No-one ever spoke on the phone. We had a saying in our house where if their was anyone within earshot my mum would say, ‘earwigs at the rhubarb’. We all knew what she meant ‘shut the fuck up’.”
  • Joe Wilkinson, “I’d like to be the first person to live on Mars…I’d start a pub, and call it the Mars Bar.”
  • Mr Jimmy Carr
    Host of The Show Mr Jimmy Carr
    Jimmy Carr, to Luke from Big Brother, “You’re Semi-insulted by that? Do you mean you’ve got a semi and you’re insulted?”
  • Jedward, “We only have 1 phone. We share a phone. We had like other phones but then we kept losing them.” Sean Lock replies, “Somebody’s told you it’s a phone. It’s a bar of fruit and nut!”. Jimmy then says “You have got a mobile, but it’s above the bed isn’t it.”
  • Jon Richardson to Lorraine Kelly, “I can’t imagine you write anything that sort of…This week Lorraine Kelly’s wanker list!”
  • Sean Lock, “Victoria Beckham had a caesarean. Which is typical Spice Girl, always miming.”

Statistics from some Cats Does Countdown episodes

  • 36% of people think the best way to dump someone is over the phone.
  • 9% of men have beeped their car horn at a girl in the street.
  • 54% of teenagers never go to the cinema.
  • 43% of men flirt with people behind their partners backs.
  • 18% of the population have sleepwalked.
  • Women spend on average £100,000 on clothes in their lifetime.
  • 25% of men pretend to be asleep if they hear a strange noise in the middle of the night.
  • 11% of single women have already picked out their wedding dress.
  • 25% of Brits rate themselves as 10 out of 10 in the bedroom.
  • 10% of men lie about their number of sexual partners at school reunions.

Play the game

If you are a fan of the program there is a game you can get. If you like to keep DVD collections you’ll also find DVDs at your local DVD seller containing bits too rude for TV.

More About The Show

8 Out Of 10 Cats is a quiz show that consists of 2 teams being asked multiple questions about recent opinion polls and statistics. The show has been airing since the 3rd of June in 2005, with many series being recommissioned.

Where does the name come from? The show name itself originated from an old advertisement about Whiskas cat food, in which they say that 8 out of 10 cats prefer to eat the Whiskas brand of pet food.

Jimmy Carr is the current host of the panel show. The two teams in this show are each composed of one team captain and two guest celebrities. Sean Lock was one of the most popular captains. Jon Richardson has also been a very successful and popular team captain. Previously Dave Spikey and Jason Manford have also taken the captains seat.

The show has seen a huge amount of guests, with appearances from a variety of different types of celebrities including; David Walliams, Jack Dee, Rachel Riley, Rhod Gilbert, Lorraine Kelly, Jedward, Helen Flanagan, Richard Hammond, Johnny Vegas, Holly Willoughby and Louis Walsh.

The two teams are put through a series of rounds, which are centred around polls and statistics. The show is still bespoken for everyone due to its witty humour. We think you’d have to be barmy to have seen the show and not laugh at least once!

The show is produced by Zeppotron for Channel 4.


  1. Some of those jokes are funny. The statistics from the show are also interesting. I love reading statistics. They are interesting to read and also interesting to find out how many people feel about certain things.

    1. It’s funny to see how you relate to the statistics too, like I’ve definitely pretended to be asleep haha.

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