10 Things You Should NEVER Do in an Interview

Here are 10 things that we are pretty certain you shouldn’t do in an interview:

• Scratch your arse. It may be a warm day and you have a tingling sweaty crack. But resist, it won’t look good you fiddling with your bumhole when been asked what you bring to the company.
• Much like the previous point, don’t pick your nose. Sitting their digging for gold won’t look good, even if you’re in the waiting room don’t do it – you never know who’s watching.
• Swear. It doesn’t sound good if they ask you to explain what you would bring to their company and your reply is “f*ck me, the question is what don’t I bring, I’m a f*cking genius!”
• Wear horrendous clothes. Dress appropriately, turning up in bright pink socks, baggy trousers, stained white shirt, flowery tie, and a cap won’t set a good impression. Even if you have the dress sense of a colour-blind tramp normally, this is one day to make an effort.
• Smell of BO. Use a nice bit of aftershave, you don’t want to shake the hand of the interviewers smelling like a dog’s wet belly.
• Smelly breath. Similar to BO, terrible breath will put people off. Chew on a nice minty chewing gum before hand and you’ll save your mouth smelling like a homeless scutters foot.
• Be gloomy. It’s important to smile and be seen as positive. They won’t employ some grim goth who seems like the only thing they are excited about is the world ending. Crack a smile, it can go along way to making them like you.
• Complement your interviewers personally. Saying “love your blouse” to the woman with the bust will just sound wrong, even if you are genuine. Complement the company, not the jugs.
• Give lots of answers to ‘What are your weaknesses’. Giving a list as long as your arm; “punctuation”, “grammar”, “using excel”, “communication”, “wetting the bed”, “eating bogeys”, “licking windows”. They will ensure you don’t get the position. You don’t want to make out your perfect, but go easy on the weaknesses.
• Make crude jokes. If you come across as a perv or seedy its game over, unless you’re going for a job to be an ‘adult performer’ perhaps, then be the seediest slimeball ever!

What other things do you think should never be done in an interview?